Walmart Adventures
by Willow Breeze the first
Summary: The evening shift in Walmart was handled by three college students from the nearby university. Arthur, Francis and Kiku all believed that working in Walmart was penance for some past sin. But dealing with pasta addicts, excessive coupon use and trolley races seems an excessive punishment. They'll survive with hopefully nothing broken, but probably not.
1. Chapter 1

The evening shift in Walmart was handled by three college students from the nearby university. Arthur, Francis and Kiku all believed that working in Walmart was penance for some past sin. Arthur believed it was punishment for going to an American university instead of one back home in the UK. Francis believed it was punishment from God for that incident with the pianist and the bright pink ribbon, although the police didn't arrest them for public indecency, which was nice of them. And Kiku believed it to be punishment for the fact he couldn't get a scholarship to the college and that he was a terrible person, an underachiever who would amount to nothing.

Needless to say no one liked working in the Walmart. What made it worse was all the costumers were the other college students. Sure there were some sane ones every now and then, like that Indian man or the blonde guy who looked like he took steroids but then there were ... others.

Today wasn't too bad, at least not yet. The three of them were playing 'Dating/Siblings', a surprisingly hard game. Francis was keen to declare everyone a couple, while Arthur would never say anyone were a couple until they kissed, Kiku (when he spoke up) almost always got it right.

"They're totally siblings" Arthur declared as three of them peered down the aisle to the two people.

"Mon ami, look at how much he's grinning at her." Francis protested as the man with the band-aid over his nose poked the other person. "And look, that level of contact, the playfulness, the flirting, why I wouldn't be surprised if she kisses him right now in a fit of—"

"Wait!" Arthur interjected before Francis could go of on a tangent "She?"

"Yes, that is clearly a young woman"

The three of them stared at the blonde person. They were clutching a toy sheep to their chest and laughing quietly.

"That's a .. I'm not sure if they're a man or woman." Arthur said quietly.

Kiku stared intently at them. "From the amount of anime I have seen I know about people who's genders can't be easily guessed." He murmured to his co-workers.

"And?" The the blonde men asked in unison.

Kiku took a deep breath, Arthur and Francis leaned in with expectation.

"I can't tell from here."

Two angry sighs met Kiku's words and Francis huffed. "I still say it's a boyfriend and girlfriend."

"I disagree, they're brothers." Arthur said confidently, leaning back in his chair.

"When don't you disagree with me?" Francis said, in the voice of a man who has faced many hardships, dramatically sweeping his hair back.

Arthur turned to Kiku "We never should have allowed him to join the theatre society."

Kiku nodded in agreement.

"Um excuse me."

The three of them wiped the heads up to see the blonde person with the toy sheep looking at them, sheepishly.

"I was wondering where I could find the condoms…

Francis gave Arthur a triumphant look and opened his mouth to answer but the sheep person wasn't done.

"… my brother wanted to know but he had to get some other things."

Arthur tried not to look too smug as he gave sheep person directions. Once sheep person was gone, he stuck his tongue out at Francis who pulled out a dollar.

"Ah but we don't know their gender yet." Francis said, still holding the dollar. "If I'm right and they're a girl, I get the dollar but if you're right you get it."

"Blow that." Arthur muttered "I won the dollar fair and square."

"But this has been a bigger mystery." Kiku pointed out. "We all care more about it."

Arthur eyed the dollar then glanced at the security footage, showing the two costumers examining detergents.

".. All right. But only because I know I'll win."

"Have you done the politics essay yet?" Francis asked after a pause.

"Yes. I did mine on Thatcher." Arthur said. Francis rolled his eyes, if there was ever a possibility to choose a British topic that was the one he'd do, even if he'd have to stretch the title.

Kiku tuned them out. He did nanotechnology, politics had no place in his essays.

"Just gotta pay for this stuff, mate. Someone gonna do the register?" It was the band-aid man and sheep person. Their arms were full of cleaning products and, of course, condoms. Kiku vaguely wondered why they'd need all that. The Arthur and Francis rushed to their checkouts, away from Kiku's.

The two siblings began handing Kiku the various items and he scanned them. In the background, Arthur and Francis resumed the debate over sheep person's gender. It was getting rather heated. Kiku wilted when band-aid man looked over at the Frenchman after he'd exclaimed "Well, you wouldn't even know what a penis looks like!"

"Just because I don't fuck everything that has moved.."

Kiku wasn't sure how red his face was but the look of amusement on band-aid man's face wasn't helping matters, neither was sheep person's quiet giggles. Kiku handed them their change faster than he had to any other costumer, including the blonde girl who just bought a bunch of knives.

There was now the sound of movement and banging coming over from Francis' station.

Kiku's face was the colour of a tomato by the time the two of them left.

Torturously, sheep person turned and the exit and said kindly "I'm bigender, by the way." And left.

Kiku turned around to see Francis straddling Arthur, who was pulling Francis' beard. They were both frozen at the revelation.

"…. So who gets the dollar?"

 **So yeah a Walmart/college au. Don't think I've really seen that, but if that's someone else's idea …. Oops. If anyone's wondering Arthur is studying English and Politics and Francis is studying History and Politics. That might get brought up later in the story. Oh yeah this'll be a multi chapter thing. It's just really easy to write and is mostly fluff.**

 **So for anyone wondering about The List. I don't think I'll be able to update this week. I've been interning and The List is very hard to write, it has** _ **eight**_ **different stories going on simultaneously so this isn't replacing it, it's just a fun little au about Arthur, Francis and Kiku interacting with various characters in Walmart.**

 **Oh and in case it wasn't clear, Band-aid man = Australia Sheep Person = New Zealand**


	2. Chapter 2

To most people, walking into a Walmart and seeing one of the employees stretched out, with a rose in his mouth and another worker drawing furiously and a third fiercely ignoring the other two by reading a complete collection of Shakespeare's sonnets would be extremely weird and reason enough to find a different store to buy toilet paper in but apparently no. Arthur watched the young man speed into the store, moments later the blonde man who occasionally came into the store and who they were all sure were on steroids walked into the store. He stared at Francis, who suggestively winked at him, causing him to blush and hurry after the brunette that had run in before him. Arthur then opened his book again.

"Aw, did you see the Italian! Oh he is trés adorable." Francis declared, sitting up and clapping his hands together.

Kiku sighed "Please stay still Francis-san."

Arthur glanced up from his magazine, to see Francis spinning in a circle, sparkling?

"Oh, this is manifique."

"No, no, no maneefeek." Arthur said standing up quickly and butchering the pronunciation. "You are not flirting with another costumer. Remember that poor girl you scared off? The boss was not happy."

Francis shrugged. "She was very pretty."

"I felt bad for Angelique-san." Kiku murmured.

Francis sighed like a lovesick schoolboy. "I don't think I have ever loved anyone as much as I loved her." He sighed again. "Anyway that Italian was so séduisant."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "How do you even know he's Italian?"

"Well only Italians buy that much pasta." Francis smirked, twirling his hair.

Arthur leaned in to look at the security footage. The brunette was rushing around the pasta aisle, a shopping cart already near overflowing stood unattended. The steroids man walked in, pushing an empty shopping-cart. The Italian (Arthur was convinced) clapped his hands and deposited his armful of pasta.

"What can you even do with that much pasta?" Arthur asked in disbelief.

Francis smirked at him. "I can think of something." He winked and Arthur gave him a disgusted look.

"I can assure you, Francis-san, that Feliciano-kun does nothing improper with pasta." Kiku said, embarrassment written all over his face.

"Oh so you know le garçon? That's excellent. Do you think you could introduce us?" Francis trilled happily, giving Kiku a pleading look.

Kiku nodded "I can Francis-san" Francis beamed "but I must tell that he is in a relationship with Ludwig-kun."

Francis' face crumpled at that news while Arthur laughed derisively.

"Ah, poor Francis" Arthur sneered. "The most romantic person doomed to be alone."

"Oh Arthur, are you sure you're not projecting?" Francis smiled sweetly.

The British man snorted "The kind of relationship you're after sounds like hell to me."

Francis gave him a charming smile and offered him the rose that he'd been posing with. Arthur gave Francis a disgusted look and returned to poetry. Kiku went back to drawing Francis and for awhile the peace, or the closest thing to peace possible in this Walmart, prevailed.

Until the two students walked up to the check out with two shopping carts full of pasta. Arthur and Francis both were both taken aback by the sheer volume of pasta, Kiku didn't so much as blink.

The blonde steroids guy looked deeply uncomfortable as the Italian happily began unstacking pasta to be checked out. Arthur raised an eyebrow and asked weakly "Are you sure you have enough pasta?"

The Italian, Feliciano?, looked thoughtful "Hmmm, if you could look in the back for more pasta that would be great!" He trilled. Arthur gave Francis a disbelieving look, Francis just shrugged helplessly .

Kiku sighed almost inaudibly. "Feliciano-kun, we cannot bring out more pasta for you."

Feliciano looked deeply wounded. "Ve, but Kiku…."

Blonde steroids guy placed a hand on Feliciano's shoulder. "Feli, we already have plenty of pasta. Kiku would give you more if you needed it."

"But I do need it…" Feliciano whispered. Blonde steroids guy awkwardly patted the small man's shoulder and Kiku gave him a consoling look.

Meanwhile Arthur finally managed to put his mind back together. "Are you buying all this?" He asked gesturing to the mountain of pasta.

"Si!"

Arthur glanced at his two co-workers. "Yeah, no. Francis" Francis looked up at the sound of his name. "you can handle this. I'm going on a tea-break." He got up and started walking towards the staff room.

"Hey, rosbif. You can't leave moi." Francis called.

"Arthur-san, I don't think you can just leave."

Arthur whipped around. "Yes, I bloody well can." He snarked and entered the staff room. The last thing he heard was the Italian saying happily "So Kiku will you check out my pasta?"

 **So this isn't dead. I had this on the back-burner for ages and I'm not really satisfied with it but hey. Something I need to confess is that I am a huge England fan so my bias may come through in this story with favouritism. Although I am also a big fan of Japan and France so hopefully this'll be more balanced. Eh time will tell.**


	3. Chapter 3

Francis was very fond of melodrama. This was a fact that _everyone_ knew, except their employer it seemed, so it was good thing that most people were familiar with him so that when they entered Walmart and saw Francis in a spot light, crying about the cruelty of life they would just ask Kiku were microwaveable pop corn was instead.

This was what the scary man had done. Kiku couldn't help but tremble at the blonde man's fierce glare. Although Kiku was distracted by his startling appearance, he tried to answer the question posed to him but the heavy accent made it impossible to understand the costumer.

Panic started to rise in the Japanese boy and he gave his co-workers a desperate plea for help. Francis was too busy biting a handkerchief and crying to notice Kiku's silent panic. It was Arthur who took pity on him.

Arthur leaned over and whispered in Kiku's ear. "He's asking where the microwave popcorn is." Kiku breathed a sigh of relief and pointed out the aisle. The glaring man nodded and gave a small grunt of thanks and moved off to get the popcorn.

Arthur gave Kiku a look of pity. "Don't worry, no one understands Berwald when they first meet him. Tino has to translate most of the time."

Francis broke out of his dramatic sulking to interject "Ah yes, Arthur thought Berwald was saying that he wanted directions to the ladies dorm and called him a 'bloody pervert' and that he should 'stay away if he knows what's good for him'."

Arthur flushed. "You're going there? Fine! Francis thought Berwald was proposing sex and went to his room with a condom and lube while Berwald's _boyfriend_ was there."

If looks could kill, Francis was trying hard to murder Arthur. "Arthur asked for a condom from a boy who likes him!" Francis declared trying to out-embarrass Arthur. Which did get the desired affect of Arthur spluttering about how he just wanted a rubber and didn't expect the bloody yank to give him a condom for heavens sake. All the while Kiku sank further and further into his chair in shame.

Berwald returned with the popcorn and ignored the argument that was quickly growing physical in favour of going over to Kiku's check out. Kiku sold him the pop corn as fast as possible in desperation to stop the embarrassment after hearing one of them yell "Your kinks are weirder!" He was thankful when Berwald left.

The rest of the evening was rather peaceful, after Arthur and Francis' fight they only had two more arguments that evening. And the other costumers were in the more normal end of the spectrum, although Yoa had to be thrown out for attempting to sell his own food in the store, and Kiku was ready for an early night. But when the Japanese man arrived at his dorm building he found everyone standing outside and the fire alarm blaring.

Kiku sighed. Of course the simple evening wasn't going to end simply. From what he could hear from people's discussions, there had been a fire in someone's kitchen.

Kiku felt a tap on his shoulder and started. He turned around to see a blonde man with a cross clip in his hair. The man said irritatedly "Did you sell Mathias the popcorn?"

Kiku tried to process what he was being asked and then he realised that he was still in his Walmart uniform. "No, sir. I did not sell popcorn to 'Mathias'."

The scary man, Berwald, suddenly appeared, dragging another man with spiky blonde hair by the ear. "Ow, ow, ow, Berwald, _stop!"_ The spiky haired one moaned.

Cross-Clip glared at Spiky-Hair. "This is why you're not allowed to use the oven or the microwave."

"But I didn't use either" protested Spiky-Hair. "Or buy the popcorn."

Cross-Clip grabbed Spiky-Hair by the tie and opened his mouth to berate the other man some more. But Kiku interrupted. "Excuse me but Berwald-san bought microwave popcorn from me, if that is what you were wondering."

Cross-Clip glared at Berwald who muttered something unintelligible. Cross-Clip hit Spiky-Hair over the head. "How, Mathias, how did you manage this? And you, Berwald, _why_ would you buy him food?"

Mathias, aka Spiky-Hair, grinned sheepishly. "I kept pestering him cuz I knew you'd ask if I bought anything, Norge."

"You've proven my point." Norge said coldly. An argument seemed to be brewing, after spending time with Arthur and Francis you would become very good at picking up on these things, and Kiku exited himself from the conversation.

The next day the entire college was informed that the toasters were going to be removed from the dorms and that Mathias was now on the list of people who weren't allowed to cook, this list included Arthur much to his charigin. Kiku was vaguely curious as to what had happened but seeing the flock of people surrounding Mathias, decided against it.

It was only later that he heard the full story from Arthur and Francis and the three of them unanimously decided not to sell microwave popcorn. At least not to people who put it in a toaster.

 **Not dead, I swear. Just this isn't something I'll focus on so irregular updates to be expected. Also the popcorn in a toaster is based on a real story.**


End file.
